Upwards

Whilst we've been going about our lives these last few weeks, big things have been going on for the boys and I. It may not be obvious to the casual observer; but quietly, inwardly, we are shifting and growing.

Eli and I are making our aquaintance with Fear. Eli has met it head-on whereas I am feeling around the edges; trying to discover its shape, resisting the urge to run away.

I'm not sure that I've been fully aware, in the moment, of my eldest boy's achievements. Growing up alongside a grab-life-by-the-throat brother and some wonderfully fearless friends means that sometimes his own little triumphs perhaps go unheralded.

Whilst we were at a climbing centre, trying some bigger climbs with ropes; Eli's very good friend scrambled with exquisite agility to the top of the wall, twice. I suspected that my boy would find the challenge more daunting. And he did. But despite momentary reluctance, he gave it a go. His whole body was tense and I guessed that he was getting very wobbly legs and very sweaty palms. He stayed up on those ropes though, tried a couple of climbs and swung about a bit - trying very hard to learn to trust that the harness was keeping him safe. I'm hoping that next time, he'll climb a little higher and feel a little braver, but if he doesn't that's fine too.

Only a few days later and we were swimming. Monty independently and joyfully doggy-paddling about. Eli blue, shivering, stiff with anxiety and swallowing many mouthfuls of pool water. Again though, he kept pushing his comfort; breathing deeply in an effort to relax, trying to trust this time that his arm-bands were keeping him safe. He kept lifting his feet up and willing himself forward despite his worry.

Our children teach us so much don't they? We're not always aware of the lessons we're being taught, but the learning is happening all the time.

My own fears are about making big decisions for our future, facing difficulties and doubts - can I do this? Do I have the strength? As Eli is showing me; sometimes we need to just take the plunge, step out of our comfort zone and find out what we're really capable of.

It is lovely indeed

It is lovely indeed, it is lovely indeed.

I, I am the spirit within the earth.
The feet of the earth are my feet;
The legs of the earth are my legs.
The strength of the earth is y strength;
The thoughts of the earth are my thoughts;
The voice of the earth is my voice.
The feather of the earth is my feather;
All that belongs to the earth belongs to me;
All that surrounds the earth surrounds me.
I, I am the sacred works of the earth.
It is lovely indeed, it is lovely indeed.

Song of the Earth Spirit,
Navajo Origin Legend

From Earth Prayers From around the world - 365 Prayers and Invocations For Honouring The Earth

Ducks in May

 In our valley, around this time, the colours shift from browns to vibrant, shining green. It's most obvious on the hillside our window looks out to - a few trees will bud and leaf a little earlier and there's a tinge of fresh growth...then, just about now, the majority hit their stride. It is nothing short of miraculous as layer upon layer of lush green growth bursts forth. Apparently, there is a saying around these parts that if you stand still long enough, you'll sprout a tree. It is a particularly verdant valley, and this is its moment of glory. I tried to capture some of this yesterday but my camera and I were not getting on so well. So I gave up, and focussed instead on the community get-together that is the Cragg Vale duck race.

I understand that duck races are not everyone's cup of tea. They're generally soggy affairs, the bigger ones are ridiculously busy, meaning there's a fairly slim chance of seeing your duck let alone winning. The Cragg Vale duck race though is genuinely fun (or at least I think so). You can usually clearly see the little duckies so you sometimes are able to spot your own and cheer it to the finish line. Running alongside the river, chasing and shouting them along their route is a feast of jolly-ness. The children swarm the bank running in and out of the trees or wade until the water slooshes over tops of wellies. It is good wholesome fun. And it brings our little commmunity together. Those cheery little plastic ducks always put smiles on faces. 

After illness...

A little cricket is just what's needed...

 

Howzat?!!

Note Eli's hood up - we are a little despairing at his teenage posturing at the tender age of five. Where does it come from this desire to be 'cool'? We'd hoped to keep the consciousness of image at bay for a few years yet, but it seems our little ones pick it up despite our best efforts. I can cope, I think, as long as he doesn't start asking for a tattoo any time soon...

Bud and blossom

There has been little weather but the wet kind here for what feels like a very long time. Beltane is here, bringing in the season of outside, active energy with buds bursting, trees greening; love-making; seed sowing; barefoot dancing; hair loosing... But I'm ill and have the heating on full and a blanket across my knee. I'm finding it hard to connect with this soggy earth just now.

Yesterday however, the sun did shine. Lighting up bud and branch and sparkling along the river. It helped me see that the land is indeed blooming; blossom everywhere and ducklings scooting over water. The cycle goes on with or without the sun. That's reassuring for a woman not able to make it out tonight to celebrate this joyous fire festival. I'll be there in spirit - joining hands with sisters and jumping the Beltane fire.

Summer with monika

they say the sun shone now and again
but it was generally cloudy
with far too much rain

they say babies were born
married couples made love
(often gently)
and people died
(sometimes violently)

they say it was an average
                             ordinary
                             moderate
                             run of the mill
                             commonorgarden
                             summer
...but it wasn't



for i locked a yellowdoor
and i threw away the key
and i spent summer with monika
and monika spent summer with me

unlike everybody else
we made friends with the weather...
mostdays the sun called
                      and sprawled
allover the place
or the wind blew in
as breezily as ever
and ran its fingers through our hair



but usually
it was the moon that kept us company

somedays we thought about the seaside
and built sandcastle on the blankets
and paddled in the pillows
or swam in the sink
and played with the shoals of dishes

otherdays we went for long walks
around the table
and picnicked on the banks
of the settee
or just sunbathed lazily
in front of the fire
until the shilling set on the horizon



we danced a lot that summer...
bosanovaed by the bookcase
or maddisoned instead
hulligullied by the oven
or twisted round the bed



at first we kept birds
in a transistor box
to sing for us
but sadly they died
we being too emraced in eachother
to feed them

but it didn't really matter
because we made lovesongs with our bodies
i became the words
and she put me to music



they say it was just
                        like
                        anyother
                        summer

                        ...but it wasn't



for we had love and eachother
and the moon for company
when i spent summer with monika

and
    monika
           spent summer
                 withme

Roger McGough

Love and blessings Tudor and Beth xx

My first 'Yarn along'

I'm hopefully (technical issues notwithstanding) joining in with the Yarn Along over at Small Things today. An exciting and slightly nervous moment for this wet-behind-the-ears blogger.

My first realisation is that it's much more difficult than anticipated to photograph books and knitting together in a way that shows both clearly whilst being aesthetically pleasing, as evidenced by the radiator in the background. It's all a little frustrating.

The knitting in progress is a lace scarf - I expected lace to be too tricky for me but I've been pleasantly surprised by how easy it is as long as I give it my full attention. There are plenty of mistakes but fortunately the yarn, Rowan tweed, is fairly forgiving. It's a bit of a bear to work with but all that gnarly-ness is a good cover up for misplaced holes.

Book-wise I've just finished reading The Slap at the bottom of the pile, and I can report that in my opinion there is not much to commend it. I believe it's near the top of many best seller lists but I'm slightly bemused as to why. With no likeable characters, a flimsy story and little in the way of charm, it felt like a bit of a waste of time.
 In the middle is the wonderful Ken Robinson's book, The Element. As a home educator I often regale folk with with my very vocal admiration for Sir Ken. He's an influential thinker on education and creativity and his talks and writings are delivered with wit and charm. This book is a really interesting look at how various people from actors to olympians have succeeded by doing what they love and have a gift for. He believes that intelligence is not necessarily measured in IQ and we can all find our 'Element' by focussing on our gifts and passions. There's a fantastic animated talk about education by Ken Robinson here, - if you know me, you'll have seen this before!
Lastly, on the top, is a little book I stumbled across in the library - Earth Prayers. I am so glad I found this little gem, it's so uplifting. It contains verses which honour the earth and our connection to it, from modern day poets to the prayers of the Native Americans. I'm only into the first few pages but I'm already inspired, not least by the editors themselves. They say they wanted to feel empowered rather than helpless in the face of so much harm and destruction.  Prayer, in all its myriad forms, felt like a way to give voice to that need to heal. I am really looking forward to delving further in and sharing these little love-filled verses.